The idea behind detachment is to separate yourself emotionally from the damaging effects of your relationship with a dysfunctional person.

It is not the same as complete disassociation or abandoning the relationship. The idea is to care for them while detaching emotionally. You can care for them but not feel like you are responsible for them. In other words, you are specifically trying to not get all wrapped up emotionally by that person’s destructive behaviors. This is difficult.

Practicing detachment should make it easier over time. Here are some things that you can do in order to practice detachment with this struggling person in your life:

-Don’t do things that they should be doing themselves.

-Don’t bend over backwards to rescue them or save them from natural consequences.

-Don’t cover up for their mistakes or embarrassing situations.

-Don’t rescue them from crisis or financial situations.

-Don’t try to fix them.

-Let go of any guilt you may have about them.

Detachment is not about denying your emotions. If someone close to you dies, for example, you will probably feel sad. You can’t choose this feeling. It simply is. But we do have the power to affect the intensity of this feeling, by focusing on the positive aspects of the situation. We can also change our thinking in an attempt to eradicate irrational beliefs that might be contributing to our emotional turmoil.

The goal is not to go without emotions, the goal is to achieve some level of emotional stability. We are detaching from the negative, irrational thoughts that stir up our emotions–like the guilt we might have if we think someone’s problem is our fault.

Detachment is difficult and takes practice.