Shame

Confidential Counseling Services, Inc.

SHAME

Negative childhood experiences can lead to feelings of shame*. These feelings of shame interfere with our emotional growth. One goes into survival mode instead of growing. A child in survival mode becomes an adult who lacks the ability to be a mature person capable of living a full and meaningful life.

*In response to these yukky feelings of shame, we take on a survival role - some of us take on two or three of these roles over the years. (Some people call them: Co-Dependent Roles.)

In other words, we are not our "authentic or true self" anymore, we are now building a "false-self" by using a role. We adopt one of the following six roles to survive.

The “hero" - the one who is responsible, self sufficient and acts as the parent.
The "scapegoat" - the one who acts out and is blamed for the family’s dysfunction.
The "caretaker"-the one who takes responsibility for the emotional well being of family members and others.
The "lost one"-the quiet one who’s needs are hidden or ignored.
The "mascot"- the one who uses humor to divert attention from the family dysfunction.
The "mastermind"- the one who capitalizes on other family members faults to get what they want.

Once we have taken on a role, and it has become our comfort zone, or our survival mechanism, we - our "true self"' - stops growing.

It doesn't take long before we need to medicate ourselves to reduce the stress and alleviate the pain the "false-self" creates.

MEDICATORS include: substance addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, pills, and process addictions, such as sex, porn, relationships, gambling/compulsive spending, the internet, work, etc.

Medicators lead to loss of control.
Some of us will end up in recovery. Some of us will die.

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