The Hero Child, who is usually the oldest child, is characteristically over-responsible and an over-achiever. The Hero tries to provide self-worth for the family by his/her achievements, so the parents can be reassured they are doing well, as it can always look to the achievements of the oldest son or daughter as a source of pride and esteem. The Hero Child’s core belief is; “I’ll take care of it.” “I’ll make my family proud.” He/she becomes mature early, responsible early, and doesn’t really have a childhood.  While the Hero may excel in school, be a leader on the football team or a cheerleader, or obtain well-paying employment, inwardly he or she is suffering from painful feelings of inadequacy and guilt, as nothing he or she does is good enough to heal his family's pain. The Hero's compulsive drive to succeed may in turn lead to stress-related illness, and/or compulsive over-working. He/She is motivated by abuse. (Remember, the higher the abuse/dysfunction in the family, the higher the role intensity.) The Hero is pleasing to adults and appears to be in control of himself/herself to them. The Hero’s qualities of appeasement, helpfulness and nurturing of his or her parents may cause others outside the family to remark upon the child's good character, which may give The Hero Child much positive attention. But inwardly, the Hero feels isolated, lonely, empty, lack of self-esteem, fear of losing control, over-sensitivity to criticism, is unable to express his or her true feelings, and is unable to experience and maintain intimate relationships.

The Scapegoat, who is often the second born, characteristically acts out in anger and defiance, often behaving in delinquent ways, to take the heat off of the family. But in fact inwardly he or she feels very hurt in that the family's attention has gone to The Victim or the Hero, and he or she has been ignored. They feel rejected, hurt, guilt, unloved, and lonely. The Scapegoat's poor performance in school, experimentation with drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous sexuality, flaunting of the conventions of society, or involvement in adolescent gangs or criminal activity may lead him or her to be labeled the family's problem, drawing attention away from The Victim's addiction or depression. This behavior can also be seen as a cry for help, and it is often the delinquency of the Scapegoat that leads the entire family into treatment. The acting out behavior of the Scapegoat may bring with it substance abuse or addiction to alcohol or drugs, early pregnancy for which he or she is not prepared, or incarceration. The hostile and irresponsible attitude of the Scapegoat may lead him or her into accidents, or acts of violence against others or self. The attitude of defiance may lead him or her to do poorly in school, effecting future employment and the opportunity to earn an adequate income. The Scapegoat's cleverness and manipulation may be used to engage in leadership of peer groups, or in the invention of schemes of dubious legality, or outright criminality, to earn a livelihood. Though the Scapegoat may develop social skills within his or her circle of peers, the relationships he or she experiences tend to be shallow and inauthentic. The Scapegoat may have lost touch with his spiritual potentials and morality, as well.

The Lost Child role is characterized by shyness, solitariness, and isolation. He/she adapts to the family’s dysfunction by detaching. Their core belief is: “I’ll ignore it.” They feel they have no control over their life. Inwardly, he or she feels like an outsider in the family, ignored by parents and siblings, and feels lonely. The Lost Child seeks the privacy of his or her own company to be away from the family chaos, and may have a rich fantasy life, into which he or she withdraws. The Lost Child often has poor communication skills, difficulties with intimacy and in forming relationships, and may have confusion or conflicts about his or her sexual identity and functioning. These children may be seen to seek attention by getting sick, asthma, allergies, or by bed-wetting. Lost Children may attempt to self-nurture by overeating, leading to problems with obesity, or to drown their sorrows in alcohol or drug use. The Lost Child has low self-esteem, little zest for life, may die at early age, may be a “closet” alcoholic or solitary pot smoker. The Lost Child often has few friendships, and commonly has difficulty finding a marriage partner. Instead, he or she may attempt to find comfort in his or her material possessions, or a pet. This pattern of escape may also lead him or her to avoid seeking professional help, and so may remain stuck in his or her social isolation.

The Mascot's role is manifested by clowning and hyperactivity. The Mascot, often the youngest child, seeks to do something funny to distract; to take the pressure off. He/she seeks to be the center of attention in the family; often entertaining the family and making everyone feel better through his or her comedy and zaniness. The Mascot, in turn, may be overprotected and shielded from the problems of life. Inwardly, the Mascot experiences intense anxiety and fear, and may persist in immature patterns of behavior well into adulthood. Instead of dealing with problems, the Mascot may run away from them by changing the subject or clowning. The Mascot uses fun to evoke laughter in his or her circle of friends, but is often not taken seriously or is subjected to rejection and criticism. The Mascot commonly has difficulty concentrating and focusing in a sustained way on learning, and may develop learning deficits as a result. The Mascot also may fear turning within or looking honestly at his or her feelings or behavior, so he or she may be out of touch with his or her inner feelings. The frantic social activity that the Mascot expresses is in fact often a defense against his or her intense inner anxiety and tension. They have a hard time completing anything. (Change majors often in college; unstable with work.) The inability to cope with the inner fear and tension leads many Mascots to believe they are going crazy. If this inner anxiety and desperation is not addressed, it is not uncommon that a Mascot may slip deeper into mental illness, become chemically dependent, or even commit suicide. This is the most difficult role to heal.

To read about the following two roles: The Enabler and The Dependent click here.

If you are an only child:

A special case is the only child. An only child in a dysfunctional family may take on parts of all of these roles, playing them simultaneously or alternately, experiencing overwhelming pain and confusion as a result.

The longer a person plays a role, the more rigidly fixed he or she becomes in it. Eventually, family members "become addicted to their roles, seeing them as essential to their survival and playing them with the same compulsion, delusion and denial as the Dependent plays his [or her] role."