Twenty Characteristics of Healthy Belonging

We do need other people. We need to love and to be loved in order to bloom to our fullest.

As Erich Fromm said: “The affirmation of one’s own life, happiness, growth, freedom is rooted in one’s capacity to love – in care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge.”

1. Allows for individuality.

2. Experiences both oneness with and separateness from a lover.

3. Brings out the best qualities in partners.

4. Accepts endings.

5. Experiences openness to change and exploration.

6. Invites growth in the other.

7. Experiences true intimacy.

8. Feels the freedom to ask honestly for what is wanted.

9. Experiences giving and receiving in the same way.

10. Does not attempt to change or control the other.

11. Encourages self-sufficiency of partners.

12. Accepts limitations of self and partner.

13. Does not crave unconditional love.

14. Finds commitment acceptable.

15. Has a high self-esteem.

16. Trusts the memory of the beloved; enjoys solitude.

17. Expresses feelings spontaneously.

18. Welcomes closeness; risks vulnerability.

19. Cares with detachment.

20. Affirms equality of self and partner.