In a dysfunctional family, family members learn how not to talk honestly about things they see, hear, feel, and think.

The predominant reasons why I learned not to talk honestly about things I saw, heard, felt, and thought were:

1.  I tried talking about what was happening but it did no good at the immediate moment, so I quit trying.

2.  I tried talking about what was happening and, in fact, things got worse, i.e. there was yelling, screaming, mocking, threats.

3.  I didn’t know what to say, didn’t understand what was happening. “I can’t make sense out of it, it is hard for me to describe.” So, I didn’t talk.

4.  No one else talked about it. When I didn’t hear others talking about it, I rationalized there must be something wrong with me, or there wouldn’t be any support if I did talk about it.

5.  I felt I was betraying the person I care about and love.

This last reason (#5) is the foremost reason family members quit talking about what is happening. 

The truth is you betray yourself when you do not speak your truth. You are not betraying the person by talking honestly; when you speak your truth you are betraying the behavior.